How to cope when your life is falling apart?
Well people always say, "a bend in the road is not the end of the road... unless you fail to make the turn." Yes indeed it's true. I want to share with u'ols about myself.
- I have 3 elder brothers. When i was suspended during my secondary study in Sekolah Alam Shah, my brothers used to tell me thing by thing, to teach me about the basic things again, to back to the basic, what i have to do, what i shouldnt do @ reformatting me.
- I didnt know when i was right & when i was wrong because i've lost my rational thought when i was accused to do this & that. I'd defended myself to at least not being expelled from the school in the school's court.
- But one thing that changed me at that time, when i was about to be expelled from the school was when this very kind man named Abg Mahizan, he did change me. I was staying with my eldest brother in UTP, he's a lecturer there. Abg Mahizan was his housemate. Every morning, after Fajar prayer, Abg Mahizan will recite the al-Quran & this was the thing that's made my heart began to realize that i was too far from Allah, i'd never thought to honestly repent & seek for Allah's forgiveness. He started it slowly, invited me to perform & say the fardhu prayers first, then to perform them on time, to do good to people, to not being rude to people & to focus on my study.
- It's not that my brothers didnt do a thing, but Abg Mahizan's approach has made me to realize & to admit that what i did were wrong. I wish i can meet him again someday & may God bless him, amen. Because of him i changed & got the good result in my spm exam & able to study medicine now. Alhamdulillah.
- But we cant expect life to treat us well all the time. Entering the tertiary study, specifically medicine has caused me to meet the new kind of problems & some of them are worse, caused me to up & down, flip & flop.
- So as the other teenagers, i've met a few girls & have fallen in love with them & u know the rest of the stories rite?
- All these up & down, flip & flop have caused me to develop the more severe mental illnesses. I began to enter the stage of manic depressive, became delusional & paranoid, some hallucination & consequently bipolar disorder.
- One of my senior here had suspected me to have this mental illnesses & he'd brought me to a psychiatrist. I took my treatment, then i felt better. But after a few months, i'll repeat this episode again & again until some of my friends had once thought that i have the seasonal mental disorder & misbehavior, hehe.
- My main problem is paranoia. It's the worst symptom. In some cases like politics, paranoia is very good, i've predicted a lot of political events & they are mostly correct. But when it comes to relationship thingy, it's very bad, it's suffered me a lot.
- So as im writing this now, i'd just thought that it's been a long time since i last seek for the God's help. I always say dont do bid'ah, dont do khurafat, dont do this & that, let's practice the pure sunnah from the prophet Muhammad PBUH regardless of who we are, our political views & etc
- Plus i had some dilemma with secularism, conservative & liberal thoughts regarding the islam, what is the real fundamental value of islam in this & that cases.
- But i think i just need to say these to myself, it's the time for the miracles & my arrival.
- Islam is the best cure. I need to believe in Jodoh, destiny, believe in whatever God gives me is the best. This is the best mental therapy. It's not denial.
- Let's pray that ill be doing fine through this Ramadhan & will change to a better person. I hope this is not going to be the same old "REPENKT", i hope this is the "Repent" what i believed some us had been waiting for & i thank you for being optimistic on me.
- FYI, i was the youngest Imam in my kampung with some tajwid&makhroj error, hehe & it's a real surprise to compare me former & later.
- Well, enough talking. Let's walk these talks.
- Oh Allah, please guide me, amen.